Every few hours, I click the bookmark link to my blog, hoping that I would see someone posting a comment, hoping that there is someone who discovers my presence...
Like I said, I'm a person who really needs encouragement, and it is actually quite obvious that I do. Like in a table tennis match yesterday (relax we were just playing for fun one), without my team members around, I felt that I could throw away points very easily and I didn't feel the push to persevere and fight back. But with my members around, the determination came back. And that's me. If you don't wanna accept me for who I am, too bad. That's just me. Muahahaha.
I really hope that this spiritual buddy that God prepares for me will appear soon. Not that I'm unwilling to wait for God, but it's just from the bottom of my heart that I hope this person will appear soon. When I say hope, it means that I'm yearning for something that did not exist, in other words, if I am to accept any of my previous two "spiritual buddies" as my spiritual buddy again, I don't think I can bring myself to do that.
Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, "If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" I hope I am not the man who falls down but has no one to help me up, but sometimes, reflecting on the past, I think I am. My two "spiritual buddies" were supposed to help me up, and yes they did, sometimes, but after helping me up for a while, instead of me falling down, they push me down, they trip me, they step on me, and leave me without anyone to help me up!!!
I realise that the best way for me to stop imagining things is to keep myself as occupied as possible. When I have really really really nothing to do, turn on com, go to itTV and watch a few interesting matches (although I have watched them many times). However, I am still feeling very lost. I really don't know what to do sometimes. I know I cannot decide things for myself, but sometimes God wants me to wait. Wait for Him. Wait for His reply. And I am still waiting for this new person. He could be someone in my class, in my school, in my UYO, in my cell group... I really don't know. Only God knows.
Sigh. Shall end my post here today. Gotta prepare for tomorrow's P&W liao.
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