Crazy Tomorrow

I'm really thankful for tonight's session... that I learnt how to be a cell member that is pleasing to God in all my ways, as well as my roles and responsibilities in a cell group.

Tonight's Praise and Worship was... quite smooth I guess, though I did make mistakes haha but I suppose they're not too obvious... considering I only practised once yesterday late at night after finish practising cello. Though there were slight hiccups but I could feel the presence of God, and that's what I'm really thankful for. I'm also thankful that my P&W leader was very patient and understand with me also... haha :)

Tomorrow is a crazy day ahead leh. Morning. BB ROD. I'm playing keyboard for Live Praise and for ROD special I'm keyboardist as well. After ROD I've to go for Orchestra. After Orchestra is my Dvorak auditions!!! Which was actually why I practised my cello yesterday. Lol.

I still find that... most of the people in my class are very insincere towards me. To put in bluntly, it means that most people don't treat me as a friend. More like someone to approach when they desperately need help. Or just someone to hang around with. But not as a friend. Nope. Sigh.

I know what I'll do now. I'll treat my first "spiritual buddy" like an acquaintance. Like we just say hi to each other and full stop.

I realise I've become a person with very low self-confidence and low self-esteem. Because I'm not heard. I see people who just shout out their comments in class and everyone can respond by laughing. But most of the time I'm just talking to walls. When I think of a humorous remark and I verbally make it known, I find that I'm talking to no one. No one bothers to hear me. Not even my desk partner hears me. I'm just talking to a wall. And after that I'll tell myself, "Alex, next time just shaddap because no one is listening to you. You'll feel better if you keep quiet instead." So I decided in class, I'll take up an introvert personality. I've become a more introvert person, but if the people around me are the people whom I'm comfortable with (like ppl from my cell group), I can be rather extrovert. I think, if I absent myself in school for one day, maybe no one will realise.

Sigh. Better go sleep soon. Long day ahead tomorrow.