Overwhelmed

Wow I feel so overwhelmed by everything around me. I mean, I'm not feeling that emo already... but it's just that I have so many things to do...

I've BB Hike Planning to do. Gotta do a recee (hopefully) this Friday and get it over and done with. Hope that I can finish everything on that day then don't have to do another time. And then BB Hike stuff are all to be finalized by 10 August. And that's 4 days after my Orchestra Festival of Arts. What good timing. Everything packed together. Think I superman ah.

Orchestra FOA is next Friday 6 August! And I don't feel prepared. Like I suddenly feel so tired that I don't mind not playing Dvorak. Because I'm just too tired to handle 3 pieces. Sometimes I feel so tired and lazy that I don't want to take out my cello and practise. The other 2 pieces I can get by without practising haha. And guess what. Rehearsal next Tuesday and Wednesday end at 10.30pm. Reach home can only QT then sleep liao. Don't need do homework already.

Somemore all my coursework due next week! My FOA week! Like Bio coursework is due next week. And Physics coursework also. Omg... so many things to do... I can really go crazy leh...

Right now I'm still figuring out whether it is possible to find a location in Singapore on Google Maps just by keying in the MGR. That would save a lot a lot of trouble for my hike planning. And I just remembered I have to edit my Chinese coursework. If I'm not wrong presentation starts this week. Die liao...

I wish I didn't run for the post of Hike chairman. Like I didn't know that I would be so busy with stuff. Didn't think much at that point in time... and now I'm in for big time. Having muscle aches in my legs and right arm. Think it's due to the table tennis game on Friday. And I'm feeling so sleepy...

I wish I could just sleep and never wake up. These 3 weeks I'll be so busy that I don't have time to relax and get my emotions and mindset right. I mean, right now, my mental state has been much better. It's like... I know what I should do to start going up the cosine curve. Like I know I just need to relax and lay down all my burdens. But most of the time I still have a rather pessimistic mindset towards things. Like I'll tell myself "I can't do it". And I feel insecure very easily and I'm really sensitive to the verbal remarks from the people around me.

I told myself that I don't care how others look at me. But seems like I can't bring myself to do it. Deep inside I know I still care. I want to present myself well before others. I can't screw up my FOA. I can't screw up my planning for Sec 1 Hike or the entire thing may fail. I can't screw up my coursework. It's like... there are so many demands and expectations I have to meet, and I know that if I try to meet all these demands... I might just... break apart...

Pressure pressure pressure... stress stress stress... I still have to face a lot of academic pressure in school especially coursework for Advanced Math and Core Math which are held during lesson time. Like there's a time limit given. And Physics practical also. Time limit. Graded.

All these things drain me out mentally. And I realise I really need to vent it all out. To do the sport that I like... only weekends then can. I'm really tired. Mentally tired. I can go to sleep anytime.

I think I need to begin bringing my laptop to school on most days. Like coursework all done on laptop. So in school I can make the most out of my time and at least get a bit of work done. So that I have less to do at home lor. What to do. Help me... O God...