Today is another day when I felt really alone again...
It's just like... I've become a person who doesn't like to talk. Because I know that most of the time, when I choose to take the initiative and talk, I'll end up telling myself, "Alex, why didn't you just shut up? See what you've done? You've just talked to a wall."
Not like this happened today. But I just felt like... I didn't belong anywhere. And in church I just really felt like crying. Because I was just sitting down there, looking as if I don't mind being alone. During lunch I just felt like... I didn't belong anywhere.
I really don't know if the problem lies with me... or is it that I can't blend into a group of people at least 6 years older than me. It seems to me... that I can't blend in everywhere. Perhaps being the outcast can be really cool. Like you're just alone. Giving the blank look. Staring into space. Acting as if you don't mind being alone. Perhaps I'll look even cooler with sunglasses on.
I'm still struggling really hard with the decision about joining BB Primers. I hope that God will give me a definite answer soon.
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