Sense of Belonging

I thought that my cell group would be a place where I would feel a sense of belonging and that at least there's one group of people around to accept me... but I'm gradually feeling that this sense of belonging is dropping, so much so that I actually feel left out in church.

How does it feel like when you try to be part of a conversation, but you don't understand what the conversation is about?

Personally... I thought that last Sunday was a really bad day for me. During lunch I tried to attach myself to be part of a conversation, but what happened was that I tried to understand the conversation, and then I ended up leaving the group and finding another group. Wait. What group. I wasn't even part of it!

It's like... I suddenly feel so distant from all my cell members. Like I don't know what they're talking about. Sometimes it's about shopping... fashion... phones... all of which are irrelevant to me because I'm still a student. Think I got so much time to pursue all these things ah.

Maybe that's the consequences of deciding to join a cell group with everyone at least 6 years older than me. When they talk about uni stuff, sometimes I don't understand also. It's like... I can't find anyone to relate to my secondary school life. Like they all appear uninterested when I approach this topic.

During lunch last Sunday, I felt so horrible that I couldn't take it. I just felt outcasted. It's like... I'm being placed in a group of people who are different from me and I'm just a total stranger. I felt so horrible that I decided I should just go upstairs and stop trying to blend in.

I've been trying really really hard these few months. And I'm feeling that all my efforts are futile.

Maybe I'm just an antisocial person who can't get along with anyone. Maybe I should just stop all social activities and just be content with my little world.

Why do I feel so... left out with a group which I thought I would be able to find my sense of belonging... Haiz...