I think that given time to quieten myself down and set myself right again, I would be able to respond better emotionally to all the situations around me...
I realise that in church, no matter how busy I am, I should learn to see every act of serving in church as an opportunity to serve Him as an offering... and not to complain so much. I may be frustrated... but I think all I need to do is just to focus on my exam preparations to the best of my abilities. If I can't concentrate, then... I'll leave my books for the time being, or just study as much as I can lor. What to do. Haha.
Honestly, I'm starting to think whether I made the right decision in joining BB Primers, because... the fact that I'm trying to get President's Award means that almost half of my year end holidays would be gone. 9 days of SGB (which is really crazy), and one training date, and 2 BB camps. Really really really driving me crazy. And not forgetting Primer's Challenge. I hope I can do my Primer's Challenge next year instead so this year I won't be so busy... and mainly because I already signed up for church camp. And Primer Challenge clashes with church camp so... yeah.
And I'm starting to think... what's my purpose in joining Primers? If I think that running for Presidents is not what I really want and eventually I feel like pulling out... I think I will. I joined Primers mainly because I want to have a chance to serve my juniors, do something for them... it's just this responsibility that I feel is within me...
Did I make a wrong choice in deciding to run for President's? I really don't know. Right now I'm just really confused. I have a lot of catching up to do. It's just this emptiness that I feel is within me again...
It's just this feeling that I want to get my exams over and done with. But then again I need to do well... anyway, once my exams are over, hopefully I'll have time to quieten and get my emotions and mentality right again...
And Orchestra is another thing. Perhaps next year I won't play SYF... November there'll be a mini-concert, which means there'll be rehearsals, and in this midst of all this I have BB MCYC camp, BB stuff to settle and handle... I want my holidays please. I don't need all these external pressures. Why should I be so hard on myself? For the past few months I've already been really emotionally hard on myself... I did have a lot of misbeliefs, but within these misbeliefs there are elements of truths that I can't run away from.
And when there's time to quieten down after exams, it's the time when all these unhappy experience surface themselves in my memory. I needa distract myself. Find something to do. So I won't keep on getting distracted and spoil my mood.
Oh well. Back to Bio. Still have 9 chapters to go. And that's just my first round of studying. And of course, during first round, sure cannot remember most of the stuff one. Haiz.
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