Smile

The feeling came back again. I don't know why... it just suddenly... came back. And don't know why... these few days I just suddenly feel so emotionally... downhill...

I want to put on a genuine smile on my face... especially when I meet people. I don't want to smile for the sake of smiling. I just can't smile from the bottom of my heart...

I wish I can bring back the smile when I first walked into Universal Studios during BB company camp. That was one of the few times when I really really smiled from the bottom of my heart...

Now I just feel so empty. And right now I'm feeling so horrible. The memories just... came back all of a sudden. And I thought of how someone pulled me up when I fell down... but in the end shoved me even harder against the ground...

I'm learning how to respond to these memories when they just come back. I have forgiven... but I just can't forget. No matter how hard I try... they're still at the back of my mind.

And the cell group that used to encourage me... right now I don't feel the sense of belonging anymore...

I just feel... crushed. Crushed by how things happen so fast. And all these things happened in a single year. Oh I really feel so tired... I hope someone can pull me up... and not let me fall down...