Yay! I finally finished my 5-day-shift at BB HQ! These 5 days were good... in a sense that I'm occupied and that I know I'm doing something meaningful. Really thankful to God because although there were problems here and there... but these problems were solved and things managed to proceed smoothly!
But it's during those times when I'm less occupied... that those depressing thoughts start to come in. The feeling of... aloneness. And sometimes the feeling that I get is... that of giving up. Of course I'm not giving up on my faith! What I mean is... giving up on the hope that I'll have a friend who's really close to me... and to seal up this aloneness.
One more day to going overseas. And for this remaining day... I'll try to look at it with a positive point of view. To try to face the day with thanksgiving instead of pessimism. But somehow this emptiness is still present within me...
Oh I really needa get some thinking done. Needa really sit down and reflect... especially about my relationship with my cell members. Honestly, I don't feel close to any of them. Like even putting an arm around my cell mate's shoulder... I need a lot a lot a lot of courage. Because the gap is just there. And it can be really difficult to try to relate to people that are on average eight years older than me...
Feel like I need another run. One that won't get me lost hahaha. One that helps me to sort out my thinking instead. But oh well no time to run tomorrow. I mean today. Morning till evening will be BB car flag-off. I dunno if I'm going down to Oasis for the Christmas event. I'll see what time the flag-off ends then decide... but if I'm not going to Oasis I'll probably go for a run. Although I'm really really tired already but I don't care. Haha.
Really mentally and physically tired. Shack.
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