Sunday

Yesterday I didn't type a post. So today I'll type the post that I was supposed to have typed yseterday. Or rather. 2 days ago. Haha.

Please pardon me for any typos or any weird details because I'm like super super tired. And I can't wait to go and sleep but I... just wanna blog. Haha.

Basically Sunday I screwed up as service pianist. Was just really tired and blur. Couldn't react to any changes. Didn't know where I should start playing my intro from. Was just so tired. Felt really bad for screwing up though I did try my best. And as usual, apparently my playing style doesn't please everyone. So yea was quite trying after service ended but I shan't go into details.

And then I got a new phone! Not like I like to spend money. But because my old phone died. Really died. Can't remember if I mentioned this in my previous blog post but yea my old phone died so I need a new phone and I got a HTC Wildfire! I'm gonna need some time to get used to a new phone. But nonetheless I love my phone :)

So tired already. Should go sleep. Good morning world.

Busy

So busy. These few days. And next few days. And when IB starts... needless to say. haha.

Today there was BB parade. New Primers joined... and haha I'm glad that 2 people I invited to join Primers found the parade fun and exciting :) Hope they continue to come for parades :)

And then was MCYC (Oasis) visit. Keyboarded for worship. Glad that worship went fine :) And then I was assigned to the Sec 1 girls' group to lead discussion after a mini-lecture was given by my cohort mate. Zzz. They were... naughty and not too cooperative. But nonetheless I hope I managed to get my message across and... hope that they have learn valuable lessons.

Then went for Youth Fellowship reunion dinner at my YF friend's house. Haha. Stayed till 10 plus and then reached home really late. The bus was sooooo pissing. Waited for almost half an hour and no bus. Zzz.

Tomorrow I'm pianist for Sunday service. And guess I'm really tired. Got quite a bit of tan from yesterday's ACSiting race... but yesterday was a tiring day haha. And today also. Hopefully tomorrow will be better lor. Afternoon gonna buy new phone. MY PHONE DIED. Like seriously. 90% of screen gone. So my phone is almost useless. Haha.

Piano exam on 1 March. Needa practise. But I'm soooo lazy... don't feel like playing the scales and pieces that I have been playing for so long. BORING.

Haha. Hope things will go well tomorrow. :)

So PISSED OFF!!!

Just had a large quarrel with my mum. So pissed off now I just feel like throwing all my things around my room.

My mum... she always likes to compare me with other people. I've had enough of that. She never puts in the effort to try to understand how I am feeling, and how much stress I have to cope with. It's stressful enough to have to see the people around me who are so intellectually capable. And I've had a really really long day today. CAN'T SHE BE MORE UNDERSTANDING!!!

Just because she wants me to be perfect. Like in every aspect. She puts me through IB, doesn't think that friendships are that important. Like come on. Her son has made it into ACS(I). But I don't see her being thankful for me. Has so many complaints. It's like... I'm so stressed already and she has to provoke me after such a long day. And I still have my Math Port to complete. It's like YEA SHE'S SO UNDERSTANDING RIGHT???

And then when she gives up quarreling she just suddenly kneels down on the floor and bang her head against the floor in front of me. For what. And it just makes me feel soooooooo bad it's like I really feel like things are sooooo out of my control.

All I ask is for parents who support me and encourage me throughout my IB journey. AND IB HASN'T OFFICIALLY STARTED. I don't think this is a very unreasonable request. I'm already withstanding a lot that my parents don't attend school talks and heck care about the circulars the school gives. Like I gave my dad the letter to attend my subject briefing so much in advance, and in the end? Didn't go. How does that make me feel? Makes me feel so alone. All the more when they always compare me to others.

I won't say I'm very gifted in music but... my parents don't seem to be thankful for this. I think they'll be very very happy if I have no rest, no play, and just mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug, and mug mug mug mug mug even more.

Haiz. Gotta do math port now. Now it's not just coping with schoolwork, IT'S COPING WITH PARENTS!!!

Thanksgiving

These 2 days are days during which I really really experience God's mercies!!!

Was so worried yesterday because I left my No Other City in class and when I went to look for it during break yesterday couldn't find it. Was worried but I still committed it to the Lord in prayer... and haha turns out it's with my friend :) Can say that... he kept it for me but he's absent today so he'll pass it to me tomorrow :)

And while doing my Math Portfolio today... was so worried again. Thought that my laptop couldn't detect my GDC... and I'll have a hard time completing my portfolio. But PTL! Haha with trial and error I managed to download a software that connects my GDC to my computer and haha! Yay now I can proceed with my portfolio smoothly :)

Without God's grace, I believe that I'll never be able to get these 2 major problems resolved. Not within my own abilities. :) And God has blessed me so much... and so now I should give all glory to Him! Thank You, Lord! :)

This weekend's gonna be a rather... musical weekend. For MCYC visit this Saturday afternoon, I'm keyboarding for worship. And on Sunday, I'm pianist for church service. Haha. So I'm supposed to have 2 sets of songs to practise. But I haven't gotten my Saturday songs from my worship leader yet so... hopefully he'll send me earlier tomorrow then I can learn the songs that I dunno and practise a bit! :)

Yup that's all from me today! :) God Bless!

Updates

I realised I haven't updated my blog in quite a while. Lol.

Last few weeks has been... a time of ups and downs. But generally I'm trying to keep my perspectives and emotions positive. Haha.

Regarding that friend I mentioned in my last blog post (I think), I shan't mention much. Except that I'm not gonna turn back. Give me hope, only to shatter it. Haha. Too bad I'm not shattered. :P I'm not gonna be so easily shattered. Hahaha.

Haha if only I could turn back time right. Then I could have undone a lot of things that I want to undo so much.

During Primers' interview, I brought up that I don't want to apply for SR comm anymore. I'll just go for Adventure and CE. I mean, I don't have to be in SR comm to go to Oasis, do I? Haha. Personally, I'm more comfortable doing Adventure and CE. Adventure, because I have experience from last year. CE, because I have plans and ideas that I want to execute. :)

And yesterday's song presentation turned out okay. I thought I would crumble due to being nervous and butter fingers etc. Yea I started off with too fast a tempo, but generally I was quite satisfied. Because I did my best. And God did the rest :)

Today OG outing was good :) Broke personal best record for bowling. 110 points :) Yay :) Of course 110 points is nothing to a lot of ppl but to me yup it's an achievement XD

And before I forget. CNY was fun. Good food :)

So yup that's all I wanna say. Don't wanna elaborate too much. haha. I realise that my posts have been too long so yup wanna make them short and sweet! :)

If only I could turn back time...

Giving Up

I hate to say this but... yes I feel like giving up. Giving up on this friendship. Though we've not known each other for very long, about say... 2 months? We used to talk on MSN, sms each other, and for a while I thought things would have been better. But no. Even though we supposedly came to a mutual understanding, but then... nope we're having another cold war for almost 2 weeks already.

So much for the apologies and everything... and I realised somehow I have just been so foolish and gullible to be taken in. He knows my very personal experiences. I mean, I don't want to give up. But if we're gonna carry on like this, there's no point, isn't it?

I feel like I'm being treated like a tool... Like the last time when we broke the cold war was because I was wanted as a keyboardist. Of course, I'm thankful for an opportunity to serve God, but then again, from a intrapersonal relationship point of view, yea that's what I feel. Then after that day... cold war.

But don't worry about me :) After what I've been through last year, I guess God has made me a much stronger person. Someone who can handle setbacks without collapsing. I suppose last year I did collapse for a period of time, when I just shut myself up. But nope I'm not gonna shut myself up. Because there's no need to. Haha. I'm still myself. No need to change who I am.

Btw when a while ago I thought the spiritual buddy thingy with my mentor won't work out... it just amazingly worked out :) Though I can't understand exactly what he's going through and help him physically, but what I can do is pray :) And the power of prayer can be really great :) I realised I just needed to put in a little little bit more effort and things will work out fine.

But what's different from THIS relationship is that... I did put in effort. Just that I can't be the one taking the initiative all the time. If I'm always the one taking the initiative, then... it feels kinda empty...

Anyway I'm on the verge of giving up this friendship. The moment I make up my mind to completely give up, haha it's to the point of no return. Like seriously. Once I give up, I will not turn back.

Once again, I'm not emo. Haha. I just have my own mindsets :)